Internet Stalking: an Apology and a Statement of Independence

For those of you who are not aware of the situation, my ex-husband continues to internet stalk me by reading this blog (among other things). Despite knowing that this is a public blog, and that he is therefore reading my posts and possibly commenting on them, I have consciously chosen to continue to post about my experiences both in the gospel and in healing from abuse, rather than closing my blog, in the hopes that someone out there will see my struggle and find hope and strength.

He has decided to try to push this stalking one step further by "shar[ing] his perspective" in comments here. I suspect he has done so in the past under Anonymous, which is why I have disabled anonymous posting.

I will not be intimidated like so many women before me.

I will also not knowingly allow him to post here to slander me. As Jessica has pointed out in a comment on my previous post, he is always free to start his own blog, and I am not the only witness to his behavior towards me. I leave judgment up to the Lord, and just try to heal as best I can and serve others by what I have experienced.

In general, as most of you have seen, I have a fairly open-minded approach to views that oppose mine. I do not, however, feel any obligation to allow him to continue the slander he has attempted to spread amongst my friends and family here on my blog, where I have the power to stop it. Nor will I allow him to intimidate me.

I am sorry for those of you who have to witness this little back-and-forth, and am grateful to those of you who defended me when I was spending time with my children rather than haunting the internet, guarding against his attacks.

Although the effects of the abuse I have survived continue to trouble me at times (as evidenced by my posting here), as a person my ex-husband means next to nothing to me. In my offline life, the pain of abuse is not even as strong as it seems here, since I post here about things I hope can help inspire others, and not about the realities of my day-to-day life. I am not angry with him, except when he tries to attack me through my children, and I do not hate him. If anything, I am sorry for him because he will probably never know the joy of the type of selfless friendship I have been given in my times of trouble, nor is he likely know the bittersweet beauty of being shown one's own weaknesses by the Lord, finding strength to accept and face that weakness, and seeking for forgiveness of all the many things I have done wrong.

He is the father of my daughters, and is part of their lives, but thankfully no longer a part of mine. As the father of my daughters, I have tried to respect his privacy by discussing only the experiences and feelings I have personally, by refraining from attacking him in any way, and mentioning only the objective and provable facts if absolutely necessary to communicate my point. Because of the truth of what I state and his own insecurities, he will feel attacked no matter how careful I try to be, and I am sorry for that. But not sorry enough to be silenced. I know that what I have gone through is real, and it has nothing to do with him or his perspective.

Naturally, he is free to try to intimidate me, but as the wise words of an otherwise rather silly girl once aptly stated:

"You have no power over me."