"And [Jesus] went forward a little, and fell on the ground, and prayed that, if it were possible, the hour might pass from him. And he said, Abba, Father, all things are possible unto thee; take away this cup from me: nevertheless not what I will, but what thou wilt."
The moments of Christ's greatest suffering are unrecorded, but this verse opens a small window into the deeply personal thoughts and feelings of our Savior at the time of His Atonement. It has brought me great strength to read these words at a time when I imagine I feel much as He felt. How often I have prayed to have the cup of my current situation in life taken from me, yet known by the Spirit that I have been called to drink it all—down to the very dregs.
Some wonder at the truth that God can take away pain, but does not. How could a loving Father see such suffering? I know as deeply as I have suffered of late, as broken as I have been, others—at least One Other—have suffered more, and He, unlike me, being completely innocent of any mistakes leading to that end.
Somehow, I feel I have been called to this work, to my life as it is now. I know the Spirit prompted me to make the choices which have led up to this. I hope and believe that the Lord has great blessings in store for me, that my suffering will be "but a small moment", no matter how deeply devastating it seems now.
Another of my favorite stories of the ministry of the Savior tells of a father who brings his son to be healed of what may be epilepsy. Any who have seen seizures know how frightening it can be to see someone shaking uncontrollably, especially a small babe or child. I can only imagine how it felt for that father to be so helpless in the face of his son's disease. It must have seemed like his last hope to bring his child to the Healer. Jesus does not only heal the boy, he takes a moment to heal the father as well, saying "all things are possible to him that believeth."
The father responds desperately, "Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief." I have prayed at times, "Father, I am so weak. I want to be strong, I want to have faith in Thy promises. Please, help me believe."
And He has.
As I look into a grey future, filled with unknowable fear and difficulty, I waver sometimes. Sometimes I see my weakness, and know I can never do this. I plead with Him to let the cup of my calling pass, but in the end I am strengthened. Good friends have come to support me from both sides of the veil. The scriptures have been an unending support. And I feel my Savior standing there, watching over me and helping me believe that to Him, all things are possible.