this article entitled "The Death of Pretty." Most of the women I know are in paroxysms about how wonderfully liberating it is. Finally, a man who is condemning the overt sexuality of women!
I submit that this article is worse even than overt sexualization. At least when men overtly reduce a woman to a sexual object, it is clear and easy for any third party to see. But this, this hoodwinks those women who escape the pressure of body hatred into eagerly reducing themselves to an object of another kind.
In many of the discussions on this article which I have participated in, women argue that this is a step in the right direction. At least he is lauding an inner quality, redefining beauty as something that comes from within.
I can see that point, except it's not true. When you read the article, it SEEMS true on the surface. But if you really look at what he is saying, he is actually redefining beauty as the illusion of innocence, innocence that is only skin deep. It is not an inner quality that he truly values. And, even if it were actual innocence, why does he value it? Because it inspires him to be better!
I think this is an iron fist in a silk glove. Sure, we can focus on the positive part of his article. We can talk about how great the silk looks and how soft it is. But in my mind, the silk is only a vehicle to disguise the objectification. He is still valuing women for their function for him, not for their innate personhood. He sees nothing about their strength, their sacrifice, their power. He doesn't find beauty in knowledge, in wisdom, but in innocence and ignorance. He lauds women who remain as children, not women who are full partners with men.
What difference does it make if you are an object to be consumed sexually or if you are an object to be consumed to supposedly make men more virtuous? What he is praising is nothing different than the old chivalrous models of women, re-emphasizing the virgin/whore dichotomy.
Sure, it's better in some ways to be seen as a saint than a harlot. But it is best of all to be seen as a person, to be accepted as a person, warts, wrinkles, occasional bad moods, and all.
Being seen as a saint only lasts as long as the man wants to see you that way. One mistake, and you fall off your pedestal. You are no longer "pretty," you are at best "hot," and because the change was due to your own failing, the man is then justified in using you however he wishes. Look at what happened to Guinevere. She had to cloister herself in order to escape the dire consequences of her objectification.
Believe me, I have experienced the entire poisoned cup of being seen as an object of virtue.
Now, rather than accepting the objectification of others, I value myself because I fought through a morass of lies and filth and emerged victorious, my faith and integrity intact. I value myself because I am strong, because I have learned to discern between truth and error. I value myself because my experiences have taught me more compassion and patience than bitterness and anger.
I am a woman who is willing to face the world alone if necessary, rather than allow herself to be objectified and used. But I am also a woman who is ready to give her mind, heart, and life to a man who is worthy of it, who will cherish and value it for what it is, and not for what he thinks it should be. A woman who loves life, and loves her friends and family with a burning passion. A woman who relies on God, who fights to accept the bad in life while embracing the good.
Wisdom, not some flimsy illusion of innocence, is true beauty.
I was pondering about what—and if—I should post any more about abuse. At the same time, I was still mulling over Dr. Oz's recent show (y...
"Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto ten virgins, which took their lamps, and went forth to meet the bridegroom. And five ...
An email to Matt Walsh, after his response to Seth Smith's viral post : I have occasionally read your blog posts, and mostly agreed ...
There is a fine line between control and persuasion. Sometimes it’s really hard to see the difference, particularly in ourselves. Particular...
I've been thinking a lot about toxic people and negativity. If it isn't already obvious, I've had a really hard time the last fi...
I may be the only one in the world who deals with this, but in the chance that I am not, I thought to try to share what gets me through it. ...
I don’t know if what I’m going to write represents more than just me. Maybe I’m alone in feeling this way, but it doesn’t matter. I need to ...
I mostly grew up outside of the Mormon Corridor. When I was fourteen, my family moved from Germany to a small town in Idaho. The culture sho...
A flurry of criticisms, cross-criticisms, and reasoned posts about the movie Frozen have been spinning around like a swirling storm in the ...
Prologue: I recognize that some are going to want to attack me for these thoughts because they don't agree with them. Before you do so,...