The Shape of Sacrifice

Almost every day, I have to sneak a handful of paper art out to the recycling bin. I just don’t have enough space to keep every scrap that enters my house, no matter how lovingly it was created.

In that stack of paper is usually at least one princess drawing. Ever since my oldest daughter learned to write, there is often a card saying “I love you MOM.” Right now, the papers have a great many eggs. Colored eggs cut out carefully and arranged in basket cut-outs, still dripping glue. Tissue paper eggs, glitter eggs which shed all over my car seats and house, string art eggs, eggs painted with tempura paint. There are bunnies, too, some of which are bunnies only because one daughter or other declares it to be so.

The bunnies and eggs are for Easter. Springtime. A time when the world comes to life, and the Savior broke the bands of death. I try and fail to find the reality of death, rebirth, and life eternal in the colorful and sparkly symbols. It is hard for me to put how I feel about Jesus Christ in words.

The Sixth Day: Joseph Smith's Vision

"On the sixth day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me
six geese a-laying."

When young Joseph Smith went into a nearby grove of trees to address his Maker, I doubt he had any intention of founding a Church or becoming a martyr. When I was fourteen, my family returned to America from six years in Europe. Rather than flying directly to our new home in the West, we touched down in an eastern airport. We visited a long series of historical sites, both in American history and in the history of the Church.

Although at the time, I was determined to seem as much interested in my books as I was in the scenery, that journey sparked a slow change in me. I stood in the room where our forefathers argued the points of the Constitution. I wandered through the Smithsonian, where the works of men over ages are gathered.

And I stood in a small, unassuming grove of trees.

The Fifth Day: The Book of Mormon

"On the fifth day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me
five golden rings."

I don’t often bear testimony of the Book of Mormon because we members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints often bear testimony of little else. But I am so thankful for the Book of Mormon. There is no end to the stories I could tell about how the words and meanings in that book have supported me.

I love the Bible, and the Doctrine and Covenants. But there is something about the Book of Mormon and the stories of the people that lived then which calls to me. They seem more personal, somehow. Often, the Bible seems to moralize, every story has a purpose. Even the D&C often has a specific point to each revelation. But the Book of Mormon is about life, about the principles of the gospel in the rough and stark lives of the people.

The Fourth Day: Charity

"On the fourth day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me
four calling birds."

More than any other gift of Christmas, charity calls to me. After the disastrous events which changed my life, as soon as I was able to think again, I was given a very clear choice. I could not change the things which were happening to me, but I could choose whether or not they would engender charity or bitterness.

To be completely open and honest, sometimes I get one and sometimes the other.

The Third Day: Courage

"On the third day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me
three French hens."

The third day is courage. When I used to think of courage, I imagined a shining knight on his battle-ready steed, charging in to fight a dragon. Now, I realize that true courage rarely shines or makes loud sounds; it is found in the small things. For some people, courage is smiling at their children as they tell them their cancer gives them only a few more months of life. For some, it is speaking an unpopular truth.

Courage for me has become quite complicated.

The Second Day: Repentance

"On the second day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me
two turtle doves."

Today, I think of repentance. Repentance is another doctrine which has sustained me. I have spent many hours of prayerful study and thought, searching my personality to find the failings which caused the difficulties I have faced in my life. Most of what I have been led to change involves trusting less, learning to live with an element of caution. But I remain unable to find a definite character flaw that is within my power to change.

It reminds me of something Paul wrote hundreds of years ago.

On the First Day: Faith

"On the first day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me
a partridge in a pear tree."

I have decided to take these next twelve days to reflect on those doctrines which have sustained me in my life. On this, the first day of my twelve days of Christmas, I think about how my faith in God has kept me.

I have had many occasions to make difficult decisions, and have been fortunate enough to have been taught to rely on my God. When I was a teenager, trying to decide what path I would take, after much fasting, prayer, and pondering, I realized that it didn't matter what my role was in life, so long as I dedicated it to the Lord as His disciple.

Young Women's Values—Divine Nature

I have a very hard time looking at myself in the mirror. I use the mirror to look at my face, my hair, my teeth, but I have noticed that I avoid looking myself (or others, for that matter) in the eyes. I think perhaps I am a little afraid of what I see. When I look myself in the eyes, it is as if I see a vast quantity of unfulfilled potential. I begin to realize that I am "born to privilege," and like all privilege, it comes with "specific obligations." (Queen Marie, Ever After)

When I was a teen, in the middle of surviving the Young Women's program, I had been "blessed" with a very sharp wit and the tongue to voice it. I remember (now with shame) bragging about being able to make a person feel one inch tall in one short sentence. (And I did, many times.) Although in college I came to better understand how precious every soul on this earth is, and have long ago lost most of my desire to wield my sharp tongue, there are times that I am tempted. Culture has glorified pointed witticism and made it funny when in reality it's just hurtful.

Part of becoming a true disciple of Christ is to not only learn to look ourselves in the eyes, to bear the divinity in ourselves, but to also look others in the eyes and respect their divinity. Christ demonstrated many times in scripture how He could not only see the divinity in people others thought worthless, but He could reach in and quicken that spark, bring it to life. If there was one spiritual gift I could have, it would be that: to recognize and feed human divinity.

"As All Have Not Faith"

Among the reading for Gospel Doctrine this week, is this passage from Joseph Smith to the School of the Prophets:
"And as all have not faith, seek ye diligently and teach one another words of wisdom; yea, seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith."

I have often heard this scripture, but never before has the phrase "as all have not faith" struck me the way it did today. It adds a whole new depth of meaning to this passage. Not only are we to learn by study and by faith out of the best books (not just good books), but we are to do it because not everyone has faith. It is not only for our own personal advancement, but to teach others who do not have faith to understand.

There are many who find themselves constantly questioning, unable to, as they put it, "just believe". Constantly beset by crises of faith, they begin to doubt themselves, perhaps even to despise themselves or others when they compare their experiences to what others claim to feel. Yet, by the import of this passage, perhaps they demand too much of themselves. It is not given to everyone to have the conviction and/or faith that some are blessed with, and that is according to the will of God.

For those who are blessed with that burning light of faith, there is a special charge on them to go out and seek for the knowledge they, personally, may not feel they need. As they do so, they will be guided by wisdom in how to nurture, protect and love those who are not given the particular Spiritual gift of faith they are given. When they study the history and the "big issues" with an eye of faith, they can nurture the strength of the gospel not only in themselves, but also in others who cannot, no matter how they may desire, "just believe."

As far as I am concerned, this is at least part of the holy and divine purpose in blogging. Only online can so many reach towards each other, and in forgiving themselves and others of their faults, clasp hands in the Gospel. When we have weakness, we learn to rely on God and each other, and by so doing, accomplish the truest purposes of God.

I Believe in Gifts of the Spirit

Articles of Faith #7
[I] believe in the gift of tongues, prophecy, revelation, visions, healing, interpretation of tongues, and so forth.

It has taken me a very long time to feel out what I should write about this Article of Faith. We members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints find ourselves in a rather odd position. Despite the strong influence of spiritual gifts in the fledgling years of the Church, we do not speak much of them now. Although they will be alluded to in General Conference talks, it is mostly to say that they still exist, though we do not hear much of them. Otherwise, they are discussed in terms of developing talents. I often find such discussions of talents somewhat condescending, in that they seem to rob spiritual gifts of their power and relegate them to a simple ability to smile at people, or play the piano.

While other talents are certainly gifts from God, and should be used to serve Him, they are different, in my mind, to spiritual gifts. Spiritual gifts include the flashy manifestations of prophecy and healing as well as the more subtle gifts of discernment, understanding and insight. My family history is sprinkled with a strong legacy of spiritual gifts, though I have not witnessed many overt manifestations in my family members. Like the tendency to diminish spiritual gifts, there is also a strong tendency to either dismiss them as pagan, mystical or downright manifestations of Satan’s power, or to speak of them with hushed and vaguely frightened voices.

It can be difficult to parse the difference in spiritual manifestations, and in our world of science and logic, it is embarrassing to speak of them. Those who claim to have had encounters with spirits, or who claim “paranormal” abilities are seen (often rightfully) as frauds. I also believe this viewpoint is engendered by the Opposition to rob us of some of our most powerful tools. It is difficult to walk the line, and must be done with a certain measure of trepidation. It is easy for Satan to entice us into thinking we are somehow more special than others, into believing we are better because we have or have witnessed these abilities. The gifts of God, however, are never done in pride or a sense of superiority. They never require money or deference to be granted, and this is what I have found to be the most effective tool in discernment.

If you hear of some spiritual gift experience, there are a few things I have found to help differentiate what comes from God and what does not, although Satan has become adept in confusing the issue.

Before I go into explaining what I mean, I want to say that I will not be sharing any of my own experiences. Although that is primarily what I am trying to do with this series on the Articles of Faith, I feel that this is neither the medium nor the time for it in this case. What I will do is try to illustrate what I have found useful in dealing with claims of spiritual gifts.

When you hear or read of a spiritual gift experience, first ask yourself if the Spirit is present. In my experience, the Spirit will not bring a sense of euphoria or of uniqueness. Rather, it brings a sense of smallness, of total humility before God. It will not inspire you to tell everyone, rather you will feel as if you hold a special highly breakable pearl which must be protected and shown only rarely. The experience will not likely be a highly advertised one, it will be simple and matter-of-fact.

Secondly, ask yourself if it brings you closer to God. This is a natural byproduct of the aforementioned humility. If it makes you feel broken, contrite and grateful, it is probably of God. If it makes you feel special compared to others, it is probably not of Him.

Another good test is to see if money, attention or power is being gained in some way. God’s gifts are never about attention, money or power. You are not likely to find swarms of people chanting the name of someone with true spiritual gifts.

Also, God’s spiritual gifts are often only manifested after humanity has done all it can. The gifts of the spirit rarely manifest to save someone from their own folly, or to do what medicine can do on its own. There is a great economy in heaven, and the Lord will not use gunpowder to light a candle. Humility is necessary to awaken spiritual gifts, and cannot be substituted with demands or fear.

I have also found true spiritual gifts are simple and direct. There is no mystical terminology or hazy description with true gifts from God. God is not there to confuse people or to impress them with parlor tricks, He is there to bless us and bring us back to Him. Haze and mysticism serve the one who is trying to mimic God’s gifts, and God has no need of them.

Also, gifts of the Spirit cannot be sought after by traditional means. Attempting to contact spirits or otherworld powers will certainly open you up to things from beyond this world, but they will never be of God. Only faith, prayer, and a purity of heart can invite spiritual experiences of this nature, and only with the willingness to wait on the Lord’s time. It is not sin to seek after these gifts, but it is a very fine line between seeking to gratify one’s own pride and seeking to glorify God. It takes a wise mind and deep soul-searching to discern one’s own motives.

In the end, true gifts of the Spirit are always to serve God. Although it can seem an embarrassing and silly thing to seek after these gifts, when we fail to seek them for the glory of God, and His service, we fail to live up to the full measure of our faith. We should all plead with God to show us how to serve Him best, and to find our spiritual gifts and the courage to use them in humility and faith.

Resources:
Quick to Observe by Elder David A. Bednar
An Outpouring of Blessings by Julie B. Beck
Our Strengths Can Become Our Downfall Elder Dallin H. Oaks
The Life of Joseph Smith, Teachings of the Presidents of the Church Manual
The Spiritual Component of Healing by Elder Alexander B. Morrison
The Day God Healed Me in Today’s Christian