Monday, August 15, 2011

The Cure for Self-Hatred

I wrote a post more than three years ago which continues to bring a significant number of people to this blog. That post was about self-hatred, a problem that I seem to run into again and again in myself.

Faced again with the same personality problem I so often have, a problem that threatens my friendships, my employment, and my relationship with God, I am trying to learn what I need to change to be liked and accepted for who I am. But I have not met much success. I pray and plead and struggle with the Lord, but the only answers that occur to me are things that I can't change without losing the good parts of myself. I know this, because sacrificing my personality to keep the peace and to be liked and valued is precisely what I did in my marriage that fed the abuse dynamic.

In the end, the only answer I seem to get from the Lord is to have faith.

And that is the only answer I have for you, dear hurting souls who come here for answers. I wish I could hug you all and let you know that who you are can be beautiful. As much as it hurts to live in your skin, it is skin you were given for a reason. Have faith that all will be made clear when it is time. Have faith that the Lord needs you exactly as you are in order to work His great purpose.

Your personality traits are not sins. Don't let the less aesthetically pleasing gifts that God gave you become the means for separating yourself from Him. If there is anything you need right now, here in mortality, it is the sense that God is there and that He loves you. And as long as you are putting yourself down in your mind, and letting the arrows of others puncture your heart, you cannot also feel His love.

Armor yourself with His regard for you. Ask Him how He sees you. It is frightening, I know. But I have found that if I do that every day, the arrow wounds don't hurt as long. They heal more quickly.

And eventually, you will find your soul's tribe, the people who value you for everything that you are. Believe it.


  1. Fascinatingly insightful conflicted and enlightened post SR! Great advice and direction. Btw if it isn't actually a personality disorder you can change it with the proper insight and follow up.

  2. "Ask Him how He sees you"

    The most solid impact I ever had on someone's self loathing was by bringing them to feel how God loved them. That is powerful advice.

  3. I'm not saying these books necessarily apply to you or the subject matter of your post, but what you wrote made me think of them as they relate to me. I've read them, but haven't fully implemented their suggestions.

    Overcoming the Fear of Success: Why and how we defeat ourselves, and what to do about it.

    Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life

    Amazon has used copies listed for $.11 and $.01 plus $3.99 shipping.

    (I hope you don't mind, but I coded the links so that a local non-profit gets a small commission if someone buys them new from Amazon. It's not supposed to affect the price.)

  4. Thanks for these words. I needed to hear them this month.


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