"...Whatever you do for the Lord, you do the very best that you know how." —H. Burke Peterson
A very good friend and I discussed recently what it meant that no other success can compensate for failure in the home. Like me, she is a survivor, divorced, and a single mother, experiencing the intensely personal frustration that is the lot of single LDS parents.
She said that she suddenly realized this meant that no matter who you are in the Church: a bishop, stake president, or even one of the Apostles, it means nothing if you abuse or neglect the souls in your family. It doesn't matter what people in the Church think of you, it makes no difference what privileges in the priesthood you are awarded. If you do not repent and make amends for how you have treated spouse or children, your successes are ash to the Lord.
There is much in Elder Peterson's talk that hurt. Things I don't want to get into today. This time, I want to focus on that. Because, as a single parent in my particular circumstances, there is often a feeling that failure is just around the corner. I can't be the mother I want to be, when I'm having to be the father, too.
I have learned by fire how to prioritize, how to shake off the disapproving glances when I don't sign up for things at church or at my kids' school. How to stave off the inner panic when I can't afford the classes my girls want to take, fail to teach them piano or bike riding as soon as I'd like, watch another month go by without visiting teaching, or simply dump my other responsibilities (like laundry) to schedule a day off for our family.
I know well the desperate feelings that grow so large, they finally spill in tearful, wracking entreaty to a silent Father in Heaven. I will never be able to hold back the floods that threaten my children.
But I have found that, as I do the best I know how, even if other people tell me my priorities are wrong, or I don't do enough, the Lord compensates in spades for all I cannot do.
My success does not compensate for my failures in my home, but my faith does. And it is so much more than enough.
"I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever." —Alma 26:12
How ironic that this paragraph:
ReplyDelete"I have learned by fire how to prioritize, how to shake off the disapproving glances when I don't sign up for things at church or at my kids' school. How to stave off the inner panic when I can't afford the classes my girls want to take, fail to teach them piano or bike riding as soon as I'd like, watch another month go by without visiting teaching, or simply dump my other responsibilities (like laundry) to schedule a day off for our family."
... could have been written by me, simply for having a lot of children and being a SAHM.
That makes me happy because it means we have similar struggles, even when we don't.
All of us human parents have some failure(s) in the home. I look at some of the things that some of my children have done and feel responsible, somehow. It is something that I cannot shake off. I look back and realize there are so many things that I could have done better. I realize that I did not always do the best I could. But I did sincerely try to be a good parent, and when I saw things that I was not doing well, I tried to overcome them and do better.
ReplyDeleteMy own children are now grown and with families of their own for the most part. I take comfort because one of my daughters has told me that during all of the trying times, she always felt loved, and the daughter with whom I butted heads the most has told me that I have (finally??) become everything she could want in a father.
I you love your children and do everything that you know to get them to the point where they can survive and maybe even thrive in this world, then you can at least allow yourself to feel a sense of satisfaction. Don't just look at failures. Look at the triumphs also, mad even more sweet by the sacrifices that you have had to make.
We need to be honest with our self examinations, which means that in addition to looking back and admitting mistakes, that we can look back and see the progress that we are making also.
Glenn