The Large and Spacious Bloggernacle

There is an interesting little catfight going on as a result of an article about how LDS blogs were started. It really got me thinking about the whys and wherefores of blogging. Hearing the "authorities" of LDS blogs—those who have been around for some time, (and ironically often show dissatisfaction with the way LDS priesthood is run) bicker with the rather younger, more vital (and arguably more mainstream) "Mormon Mommy Blogs" over who played in the playground first has been illustrative.

Why blog? It seems that there are a few reasons. First, some blog because they think they have something important to share. They believe their perspective is important, and others should hear it. This tends towards "scholarly" sort of blogging. Or, maybe they just want to share their testimony with any who care to read it. Second, networking. Many blog because they want to stay in touch with friends and family. Blogging is a great way to go about it. Mommy blogs are largely of this sort. As another type of networking, some may have business networking blogs. I have one of this sort, which I've not yet used. Third, chronicling. Some may merely want to record events in their lives, whether good or bad. I have one public, but little-publicized journal-blog of that nature, and one private one. Fourth, a blogger may want to get his or her ideas out there so they can be discussed and mulled over. Maybe a person thinks better by typing, or maybe they want feedback on what they are thinking. Fifth, some blog for support. They are seeking for a community they can't find offline. This is a sort of offshoot of networking, but backwards. Rather than keeping track of those they already know offline, they are seeking others of like mind, often to get to know later.

I think I fall somewhere in the discussion and testimony-sharing categories for this blog. I don't get a ton of readers, but that doesn't particularly bother me. The ones I have are quite high-quality (in my opinion!) and willing to discuss gospel topics which are on my mind. I know some people read this who disagree with me, and I welcome those other perspectives (so long as they respect mine.)

The biggest pothole in the road of blogging is pride. It is easy to fall into the trap of thinking that because you have your own little realm of control on the web, you are somehow better or worthy of notice. Take the catfight which spawned my thoughts lately. It has gotten to a contest of who has been here longest, or who has the most readers. Realistically, it doesn't matter in the least how long you have blogged or who reads your words. If you have something of value to blog about, that is independent of recognition.

So, why the emotions and controversy? I guess deep down, we are all still just little children wanting to be loved and accepted. Me included. But, in the end, does it really matter in which wing of the Large and Spacious Bloggernacle we have decided to set up camp?

"And the large and spacious building . . . is vain imaginations and the pride of the children of men. And a great and a terrible gulf divideth them; yea, even the word of the justice of the Eternal God, and the Messiah who is the Lamb of God. . . ."
1 Nephi 12:18

Seminary Answers

I don't have any great scriptural or spiritual insights this time. I've tried to post numerous times, but lack the current clarity to formulate what I feel while preserving the privacy of others in my life. (My own privacy is not as important to me when it comes to sharing what I have learned in the gospel, but I can't make that choice for others. I've learned something of discretion.)

To be as blunt as possible, I have little control over events in my life for now, and I am very frightened. I have tried to do the best I know how, tried to consult the Spirit, but my confidence in my ability to hear well is weak. I have received a blessing that told me I had no need to be afraid, and that angels surrounded me in protection. Knowing I am not worthy of this protection, I have nonetheless used this assurance many times in the last several days to battle my fear as it wells up and threatens to destroy my peace. It is a very real and bloody battle I have fought to have faith in my Savior. It has left my spirit somewhat tattered, and I have yet to enter the real fight.

I would like to share a few things that have kept me from drowning in my fear.

I stand at risk to hear many accusations and attacks on my character. Although my faults are many, and I am not gaining progress against them as quickly as I would like, these particular accusations are false. They come from someone who is very hurt and angry, and probably no less afraid than I am. I fear that, despite the my best efforts at impartiality, truth and concern for all parties involved, I will not be believed. I have come to cling to the Spirit's reminders that I am not the first to be falsely accused. The scriptures have assured me that I stand in good company. Job was accused of evil by his friends, Joseph Smith was surrounded by former friends and enemies thirsty for revenge. Even, and most importantly, the Son of Man himself was silent before those who accused Him wrongly. Although I am far from equal to any of these men, I am comforted to know they landed safely in the arms of their Maker.

There have been friends calling when I need them most. The outpouring of support has left me feeling rather foolish for feeling alone. Home and Visiting Teaching has gained greater meaning to me. I do not refer to officially called Teachers, for I have seen little of them, but I refer to the spirit of Teaching, which is charity in its purest form. Many of those with no reason otherwise, have buoyed me up and shaken me out of the hands of the Adversary.

My lifeline has been prayer. I know that no matter what others think of me, my God knows my heart. He knows that I have sought nothing but what is right, though I have made a mess of it. I have always wanted more meaning in my prayers, but now that I must sometimes stand largely alone against the power of the destroyer, I have reached new depths of humility and pleading. Praying for His Spirit to be my constant companion has become the only thing to save me at times.

Prayer, Home and Visiting Teaching, the Holy Spirit, and the scriptures.

I hope I have learned never to use the term "seminary answers" again.

In the Quiet Heart

My heart has been anything but quiet, of late. Recent experiences in my life have broken most of my understanding of the world and my place in it. I have lived things I never thought I would live.

Through it all has come such an amazing outpouring of support and love, even from places I did not expect. I feel so very humbled and blessed that in my time of greatest vulnerability, loved ones have covered me with a cloak of safety. I will never be able to repay the sacrifices others have made on my behalf. Although one might add a price to these sacrifices, to me they are infinitely priceless.

I hope with all my heart that my experiences will lead me to greater sensitivity to others who may be suffering. There is so much pain in the world. I never knew how much hugs and time could alleviate some of that pain. My thoughts are scattered, my feelings full of confusion and fear, but I have found vast reason to be thankful.

Lobe den Herren, den mächtigen König der Ehren!
Meine geliebte Seele, das ist mein Begehren.
Kommet zu Hauf! Psalter und Harfe, wacht auf!
Lasset den Lobgesang hören!

Praise to the Lord, the Almighty, the King of creation!
O my soul, praise Him, for He is thy health and salvation!
All ye who hear, now to His temple draw near;
Praise Him in glad adoration.

Lobe den Herren, der alles so herrlich regieret,
Der dich auf Flügeln des Adelers sicher geführet,
Der dich erhält, wie es dir selber gefällt.
Hast du nicht dieses verspüret?

Praise to the Lord, who over all things so wondrously reigneth,
Shelters thee under His wings, yea, so gently sustaineth!
Hast thou not seen how thy desires ever have been
Granted in what He ordaineth?

Lobe den Herren, der künstlich und fein dich bereitet,
Der dir Gesundheit verliehen, dich freundlich geleitet.
In wieviel Not hat dich der gnädige Gott
Über dir Flügel gebreitet.

Praise to the Lord, who hath fearfully, wondrously, made thee;
Health hath vouchsafed and, when heedlessly falling, hath stayed thee.
What need or grief ever hath failed of relief?
Wings of His mercy did shade thee.

Lobe den Herren, der deinen Stand sichtbar gesegnet,
Der aus dem Himmel mit Strömen der Liebe geregnet.
Denke daran, was der Allmächtige kann,
Der dir mit Liebe begegnet.

Praise to the Lord, who doth prosper thy work and defend thee;
Surely His goodness and mercy here daily attend thee.
Ponder anew what the Almighty can do,
If with His love He befriend thee.

Lobe den Herren; was in mir ist, lobe den Namen.
Alles was Odem hat, lobe mit Abrahams Samen.
Er ist dein Licht; Seele, vergiß es ja nicht;
Lob ihn und schließe mit Amen!

Praise to the Lord, O let all that is in me adore Him!
All that hath life and breath, come now with praises before Him.
Let the Amen sound from His people again,
Gladly for aye we adore Him.

Jo­ach­im Ne­an­der, original German, English comprised of corresponding verses, not translations

How grateful I am for the mercies of God, who sends His angels to bear us up in times of unbearable tribulation! How I would worship Him forever, for the sacrifice of His Son, which can heal even the most frightening wounds, and bridge the darkest chasms.

The Paradox of Choice

I ran into a TED conference message that I thought well worth listening to, particularly when listened to in light of LDS doctrines of eternity, mortality, agency, and gender identity. I would like to know what you think of it.

Warning: There are a few mild swear words and a brief moment of comic strip nudity. I think the message is worth it, but be aware of this before you click "play".

The Tarnished Mirror of Self-reflection

I've been thinking quite a bit about charity lately. I'm a very selfish, uncharitable person and I don't want to be. When I was a very young child, it wasn't hard to reach out to those who needed me, but the older I become the more pain I feel and the more afraid I am to help or be helped.

Many things have been going on in my life over the past several years, and the past year in particular, I have found myself in the completely unacceptable position of relying on others for emotional support. I find myself, more often than not, complaining to people about my unsolvable problems. I find I have become a very ugly, very dark person to be around. Absorbed in my own problems, and having no way to either solve them or accept them, I feel the burden I'm placing on those around me, which is in turn making me want to withdraw more rather than less. And, as awkward and clumsy as I am, most of my efforts to return the gesture of a listening ear and safe place to vent are not fruitful.

I hate what I am becoming.

My desire to serve others is swamped by my desperate need for help that cannot exist and my inability to show that I want to help others. How I would love to get my mind off my problems by listening to someone else! I am no longer good at listening, at serving God's other children. I am afraid to reach out both because I don't know what I can offer others, and because I don't know how to show that I'm sincere without my own selfish needs washing over my intention to serve. Exhausted and with very little time and fewer acquaintances, what can I do? How can I find the strength to drop my burdens and serve?

How does one cease to be selfish and develop charity?

Stop, and Stand Still

I am, by nature, a doer. I work hard for whatever goal I find at the moment. Right now, I'm not able to work for the goal I want, a goal I know the Lord wants for me. This is why particular words spoken by the Lord to Joseph Smith struck me deeply. The Lord tells Joseph that there are those waiting to destroy him, and "for this cause I have said: Stop, and stand still until I command thee, and I will provide means whereby thou mayest accomplish the thing which I have commanded thee."

When I read it, the Spirit jumped in my heart, and I knew that commandment was also for me. It is perhaps the hardest thing the Lord has asked of me: to not do. To stand by while I watch much of my efforts to fulfill other commandments He has given me crumble around me.

But He goes on to reassure me and Joseph, "if thou art faithful in keeping my commandments, [including the commandment to be still,] thou shalt be lifted up at the last day. Amen."

Faith is a hard thing, indeed.

I Believe in Exaltation

Articles of Faith #10
We believe in the literal gathering of Israel and in the restoration of the Ten Tribes; that Zion (the New Jerusalem) will be built upon the American continent; that Christ will reign personally upon the earth; and, that the earth will be renewed and receive its paradisiacal glory.

There is a great deal in this small verse. Most of it seems rather scholarly in nature. The point of these posts, however, is not scholarly but is testimonial. I could get into talking about the lost ten tribes of Israel and the Millennium, but so much information is strictly hypothetical. There is a great deal that is not hypothetical, revealed in visions of the Millennium and in prophecies about the ten tribes, but most of that is highly symbolic. I feel there is a reason for that, and don't really want to touch on that more than briefly.

My understanding of the Father's Plan for His children is twofold: that there must be a Fall, and there must be a redemption from that Fall. Most of the covenants and meaning found in Israel and the tribes is wrapped up in that great and First covenant that God made before the world was created, appointing a Savior and appointing one to Fall. After his choice, Adam received the Atoning Covenant on behalf of all His children, appointed to the Priesthood which he could pass to his righteous sons. That birthright is tied up in the Priesthood, as priesthood wielders stand as proxy for Christ himself in ministering to His children. That Priesthood was given to Abraham and down to Israel, making the family of Israel a symbol for priesthood power and the promise of atonement. Only those who become righteous have this priesthood and are counted as part of this family. Zion, the inhabitants of which were fully righteous, being complete beneficiaries of the Priesthood promise, is a symbol of the fulfillment of this promise: exaltation.

As a symbol, the Priesthood, Zion and Israel represent very real power granted through the Atonement from Christ himself. Every time we participate in priesthood ordinances ranging from the Sacrament to temple ordinances, we are reenacting a part of this wonderful Plan, strengthening our dedication to it. The promise that we can go home someday cannot be paralleled by any other promise. Nothing else matters before that great covenant.

We will not go home unchanged. We will, in this life, make some necessary steps towards exaltation, towards realizing our full potential as children of the Most High. I think if we really understood what this meant, the merest urge to sin would nauseate us. The Law and the Atonement are not about fitting a mold, it is about blossoming. Anything we do to fight against that hurts only us in the long run.

Whatever my judgment shall be, I look forward to meeting the Savior. I hope I will be enfolded in His arms, allowed to plead with Him directly for forgiveness and thank Him for His amazing gift. I love Him, and I long for the day when the earth itself shall be exalted and I will see the Plan of God fulfilled.